Get Comfortable

Learning and growth begin when we step out of our Comfort Zone. Neuroscience supports this. But we can only step out of our Comfort Zone from within our Comfort Zone. We must first experience comfort before we are open to new ideas.

It’s important to bet to our Comfort Zone…just don’t get stuck. Here’s why.

My friend and mentor Dr. Baba Shiv, the Sanwa Bank, Ltd., Professor of Marketing at Stanford Graduate School of Business, has developed a simple model that describes the neural pathways between emotions called the “X Framework”.

If we use an X-Y axis to represent physiological arousal and pleasure, we can plot our emotional and physical responses to show two primary pathways that drive behavior. The first pathway takes us from the high physiological arousal we call “stress” to the low physiological arousal and high pleasure experience that we call “comfort”. The stress state occurs when our brains sense uncertainty, new and unknown circumstances, and potential threats. The brain moves to a state of comfort when the circumstances are familiar and safe.

Feeling safe, we humans can quickly become bored, and seek excitement.

The second pathway goes from the low physiological arousal of “boredom” to the high physiological arousal and pleasure of “excitement”. Too much excitement can become overwhelming and take us back to a state of stress and the “stress to comfort” pathway.

Our emotions can change quickly, and we may move from the “stress to comfort” pathway to the “boredom to excitement” pathway in less than a second, many times a day. The “stress to comfort” pathway, called Type 1 Mindset, is characterized by Fear of Failure. The “boredom to excitement” pathway, called Type 2 Mindset, is characterized by Fear of Missing Out.

But here’s the kicker: when we are in Type 1 “stress to comfort” mindset, the Type 2 pathway is not available to us. We can only get to the Type 2 “boredom to excitement” pathway once we have reached a stable level of comfort. Why? Our brain’s primary job is to keep us alive. Like animals in the wild, when threats are imminent, our brains don’t want us exploring or taking chances, so that pathway is not available. Our stress is not typically about avoiding animal predators, but we perceive social and professional situations as threats and have the same response – play it safe. We are only open to new ideas, more tolerant of taking risks, and exploring when we have reached “comfort”.

So how do we help our brains get from stress to comfort?

Let’s consider a situation like onboarding to a new job. Even though we’re excited, our brains are on patrol and our underlying thoughts are likely to be things like, “Will I fit in?” “How fast can I get over this learning curve?” “Are my skills really transferable, or is this too different?” “Which people are supporters, and which may be enemies?” “Is my boss liked?” “How am I going to remember all these names?” The brain is in Type 1 stress-to-comfort mindset, even as we’re smiling and greeting new coworkers.

Type 1 mindset is comforted by familiarity, validation, trust, and the powerful effect of the neurochemical serotonin.

·       Familiarity – look for things that are familiar and known. For the onboarding employee, processes that are similar to known processes will bring comfort. Seeing people you interviewed with will bring comfort. Being invited to share about your previous work will let your brain dwell in topics you know well. It may even help to wear familiar clothes rather than something new. Have familiar food for lunch. Doing simple, repetitive tasks can provide comfort. Think about all our self-comforting habits, like comfort food. Why do we sometimes just need to re-watch episodes of Friends that we’ve seen many times? Familiarity brings comfort.

·       Validation – our brains are looking for evidence that everything is okay. This can be in the form of self-affirmations, social validation, or public validation. When we accept a new job, it’s helpful when friends say positive things about the organization or mention someone they know who works there. We may see news reports about the company or notice that the stock price is solid. We receive congratulations, another form of social validation. Our self-talk matters. We can intentionally be thinking, “I know what I’m doing,” “I learn quickly,” “I can add value here,” to counter the brain’s threat detection activity.

·       Trust – trust is built when what we’re experiencing is what we expected. When you’re onboarding and everyone is ready to meet you, you are given the equipment you need, and you are given access to systems it builds trust and trust is comforting. Bring comfort to a stressed brain by using services you trust and interacting with people you trust.

·       Serotonin – the neurochemical that governs the stress-to-comfort pathway is serotonin, the calming chemical. Serotonin levels are replenished when we sleep, so they are highest in the morning. This is another one of the many reasons why sleep is so important. Protein also provides amino acids that are precursors to serotonin, so be sure to include protein at breakfast and lunch on days when you are immersed in new experiences. Exercise is also a source of chemicals in the brain that are precursors to serotonin, so have your morning workout or take a quick walk to increase the availability of serotonin.

We are not conscious of this activity in our brains, it happens instinctively and rapidly. We may loop around the X Framework several times in a single conversation, or we might spend long periods of time perceiving threats or unknowns around us and get stuck in Type 1 mindset, playing it safe and protecting ourselves. If we notice our thoughts are protective and risk-averse, we can take steps to reassure ourselves.

Knowing how to comfort ourselves is a form of self-management that can lead to more time in the Type 2 Exploring mindset, open to new ideas, learning, thinking creatively, and being more tolerant of risk.